Learning Humility and Obedience

One thing I have seen this last year is my pride. It’s something that the Lord is bringing me face to face with. Pride in my own capabilities and standing on my own strength. I grew up in the church, and I learned a lot about who God is at an early age. I want Him, but I haven’t had to really depend on Him until these past few years. Trials have tested what I know in my head and how much I truly know and trust the Lord. During this time I have gotten a good look at how much pride I have, and God is showing me just how much He desires a humble and contrite heart. A Humble attitude.

Over the last couple of months the Lord has put me in some situations where I witnessed some people around me compromising their word while I was working with them. Breaking some of the rules. When I witnessed some things going on I first wanted to remain silent because I didn’t want to make waves or make someone feel bad, but the longer I stayed quiet, the worse I felt about it. I felt like I was breaking the rules right along with them by remaining quiet. So, after praying I went to them as in Matthew 18:15 “go to your brother and tell him his fault between you and him only. If he hears you, you have gained a brother.” By going to them I knew I had done what I was supposed to do even when they rejected what I said and made their own excuses about why it was okay for them to do this. While I walked away,  my mind was screaming, I can’t believe they are doing this!!!

I pondered this situation when it happened with someone else 2 months later. Again I went to them and asked them about it and again there were reasons why what they were doing was okay.   I was thinking, not again. Really! Why Lord am I in this situation?  I’m following the rules, so why am I having to witness and confront someone else in this situation. Then after my rant with Him I asked, "Lord what do you want to show me?"

And He answered. He said Mandy you have done, and do the very same thing. Exposed. I am just as guilty. I have been deceived and am deceived by my own pride any time I  take my eyes off the Lord and putting them on something else-anything else. The lies about what I deserve that makes it seem right in my own head, and then the endless excuses to cover the guilt of sin. The enemy is so cunning. This is the birth of sin, when I take my eyes off Jesus and put them on anything else. Deceived! If I am not on guard and wise to the enemy, I can so easily be caught off guard by him. And then it’s followed by an endless amount of excuses and reasoning.

This has led me to the next thing, Lord where else have I been deceived? And He’s shown me that I am deceived by my own pride, it’s my heart issue. I am deceived when I assume that I can stand strong on my own without guarding my heart and mind with His word. I am deceived when I see myself as strong enough to handle any circumstances with out seeking His council and the wise council of others He has placed in my life. I am deceived when I think I can live unaffected by the world around me without His word as my compass. Pride.

So now I understand a little more why Peter is saying to humble myself before the Lord, because when I am humbled before Him, I keep my eyes on him and I don’t look away at all the distractions and lies the enemy wants me to be tempted by. Most of the time he doesn’t come at me to hurt me physically, but he comes at me with sly distractions, a beautiful something I think I need or anything really that the Lord hasn’t given me. When He does give me something I can continue to keep my eyes on Him with thankfulness and dependence.

It has been a daily struggle to battle my flesh and it is becoming more and more humbling, but God promises in Ephesians 1:7 that "He will( because of His grace) who called us will perfect, establish, strengthen and to give me a foundation." For His glory. And when I do sin, I am so thankful that I serve a God who loves me and gave His own Son that I can find forgiveness.

1 Thess. 5:8 “But let us who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation.”

Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Where I need to focus is to see that I have an opportunity everyday to not only live close to The Lord, but also to be a reflection of Him. To seek His council in the mundane as well as the neon decisions. To have a humble attitude seeking wisdom instead of assuming I already have it.

And then when I make decisions that are in line with Him that it gives Him glory, and I get to share in the joy of pleasing Him.

Too Many Words

Do you ever wonder if you are using too many words to be heard or understood?

Lately as my 2 year old's vocabulary is growing, he is starting you link more words to make a sentence and it's getting quite difficult to understand him. It was much easier with one word descriptions like “milk” or “cracker”, but now is a “ca hab cakr p?” and if you are not following his eye contact or pointing, it gets a little hard sometimes. I know this will soon pass and his words will get sharper but for now its using a lot of words.

I find myself triggering a thought about my own use of words. I like to talk. Some times its to someone and other times its at them and even just to myself. It helps me process. When I’m at home with the kids all day and my hubby comes up from work(conveniently from the downstairs office), I usually have something to share. I love my husband, he’s a communicator but still I find myself looking into lost eyes sometimes and I realize I’m using too many words. Often he asks if I'm wanting him to respond or if I just need to talk. Yep! Too many words. At times it's hard for me to not speak or pursue a solution this way and to simply think it through without speaking.

More times than not I also find myself going to my quiet time with the Lord the same way. Loaded with questions, thoughts, and concerns, but I am not willing to sit and listen and be quiet. Even more, I know that God knows me well enough to handle my words, but do I really need to speak so many? I want to get better at choosing my words wisely and simply being willing to sit and listen for Him to respond. He knows my heart and my mind better than I do and sometimes I need him to bring clarity, better than talking it out ever can. Which means learning more self control with my tongue so that my heart can hear.

I know this with my man too. I must think before I speak if I want him to really hear me, if I want to communicate with him and not at him. What impact can I have on the people around me if I became a better listener than talker? If I chose to think before I speak and ask the Lord for His help with processing and become a better listener.